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What a Beautiful Thing it Can Be to Finally Feel Again

by April Barnes, Director of Outreach of The Next Door

Recently, I was able to lead group with our women here at The Next Door. I was excited to share some intimate time with the ladies where I could pass out my essential oils and fill the chapel with the smells of patchouli and lavender. One of my greatest joys in working at The Next Door is to be able to connect with the women in this setting.

We started the group by randomly selecting a card from The Language of Letting Go and spending some time in meditation to let the words from our chosen cards resonate in our spirits and asking our divine power to meet us there in that space.

After the meditation, I opened the group up for anyone who wanted to share about their reflection. While my intention for the group was to educate the ladies on holistic ways to support your body in early recovery, we spent most of our time sharing about the content on the cards, given the intimacy of the moment. As one of the ladies read aloud from her card, we all leaned in as those words connected to each of us around the room.

“Today I will face discomfort, trusting that feelings of HEALING and release are on the other side. Help me, God, to FEEL whatever I need to feel to be whole and healthy. While I am doing this, I will trust that I am cared for and protected by myself, my friends, my higher power and the universe. “

These words immediately reminded me of something a therapist once told me years ago. “You gotta feel it to heal it”. While sounding cliché, how profoundly true are these words?

Many of the women who come into our program at The Next Door have been avoiding pain and discomfort. At the root of their addiction is pain, whether mentally, physically or spiritually. Identifying the root cause and working through that discomfort is essential for the healing process and freedom from the bondage of addiction.

The women shared their experiences, some stating they had not “felt” in years. Others stated that they were scared to “feel” or that they didn’t know how to process feelings in a healthy way. While in treatment, the women work with their therapists and clinical team members to learn how to recognize and process feelings and explore healthy emotional regulation. What a beautiful thing it can be to finally feel again. 

One of the women shared her experience of how much shame, guilt and anger she must work through, but also stated how refreshing it is to now be experiencing JOY, HOPE and EXCITEMENT as she releases that shame and guilt and anticipates a new life found in recovery.

Recovery isn’t just about abstaining from drugs and alcohol. Recovery is about a process of change. A change in thoughts, perceptions, emotional regulation and behavioral habits. We change the way we cope with uncomfortable feelings and bravely step into experiencing those moments, trusting that on the other side of that discomfort, is healing.

 

There’s Something Special About This Place

By Karen P., volunteer at The Next Door

“There’s something special about this place,” she said, dabbing her eyes. We all nodded in agreement.

We sat in a circle — eight clients, myself, and my co-leader on a rainy Wednesday night for our weekly Spiritual Wellness small group gathering. The subject of the teaching had sparked some meaningful dialogue —an opportunity to affirm these precious women of their worth and value in the eyes of their heavenly Father.

“Today is a great day,” I commented, focusing my attention on another young woman, who had shared how difficult it was to be separated from her children while working on her recovery at The Next Door. She was not alone in her anguish. “Today is a great day because you are right where you need to be. You made it through another day of sobriety! The Lord has good plans for you. He has good plans for your family. And that ache that you feel for your children tonight? God’s love for you is infinitely deeper than that. God tells us in His Word that He is making all things new— all things.” The room was quiet. I watched their faces, their body language, as glimmers of hope rose within them. “Lord,” I prayed silently, “heal their wounds, bind up their brokenness and shower them with your great love.”

For many of the women who come to The Next Door, grasping the truth that they are worthy of God’s love and treasured by Him is daunting. Often, they feel guilt and shame, regret and fear that God is angry at them, or that He has forgotten them.

As a regular volunteer, it is my great joy and privilege to share the Good News with them—to encourage them and remind them that they are not alone — that our gracious, powerful God longs to walk this journey with them. Sometimes a door opens for me to speak these words of truth. Other times, it is simply by being a calming presence in an intake room with an anxious newcomer, or walking with a weary client to the clinic, or believing God for miracles as I pour over the stack of prayer requests at home on my kitchen table.

I’m just one person of many who share the vision of The Next Door, and my small contribution sometimes feels insignificant. But I know that God is working through all our contributions of time, money, talents, and prayers. He is making streams in deserts, He is quieting storms, He is writing beautiful stories.

There truly is something special about The Next Door, and I’m humbled and thankful to be a tiny part of the big things God is doing!

One Word for 2019

by Kate McKinnie, Director of Development of The Next Door

For the past 8-9 years, I have chosen a word of the year.  I begin praying in December for how I want the next year to be different.  I pray for wisdom of what one word of focus could be to help me get there.  This year, my word is INTENTIONAL.

What led me to this word was that I felt like at work in my role as Director of Development, everything I do is with great intention, purpose and strategy to achieve the fundraising goals for The Next Door.  However, outside of work, I don’t live with much intention.  I chose this word for 2019 because I want to be intentional with relationships in my life I want to strengthen, and I want to be intentional with my health, fitness and dietary habits.  There are several other ways in my personal life I need to be more intentional, because I believe when you approach things with intentionality, you are more likely to see change that you want in life.

Because I love this annual exercise of choosing my word of the year, I decided to ask our clients about theirs.  On New Year’s Day, I put up a sign next to the elevators on each residential floor and asked a simple question:  “What one word do you want to guide you and define you in the new year?”   During the entire month of January, as new clients have come into the program, I have enjoyed seeing their responses.  Here is what they wrote:

  • Happy
  • Humble
  • Serene
  • Sober
  • Peaceful
  • Recovery
  • Thankful
  • Strong
  • Productive
  • Sunshine
  • Resilient
  • Amazing, sober mother
  • Real
  • Different
  • Blessed

While I thought, prayed and toyed around with several words that I wanted to guide and define me in 2019, the women in treatment at The Next Door last month most likely came up with theirs in a brief period of time, while waiting for the elevator!   The simplicity of their answers was inspiring.  To merely want peace, serenity, happiness, strength or sobriety as they look at a new year may seem simple to me, but for our clients, this could be a major shift from the life they are living now.

Each day I work in this ministry, I realize that I have MUCH in common with women of The Next Door.  I may not struggle with addiction, trauma or mental illness, but what I do long for – like each woman within our doors – is a new start and moving from weak to strong in some area of our lives.  Whether that’s to be more intentional in my approach to relationships and fitness or women simply wanting to wake up sober and productive each day of 2019, we each seek change.

See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. – Isaiah 43:19

I hope each of you is having a wonderful start to your new year.  Remember:  we love to have visitors at The Next Door!  If you feel led to be involved in some way in this life-changing ministry for women and find common ground with these courageous women like I do each day, come see us!  To arrange a visit, please contact me:  kate.mckinnie@thenextdoor.org.

The Next Door’s Homecoming 2018: Hands up for Recovery!

by Ashleigh Rakestraw, Clinical Services Program Manager of The Next Door

On September 19th The Next Door excitedly hosted the first ever TND homecoming event. Staff and alumni from all over middle Tennessee came to celebrate recovery, celebrate each other and celebrate the place that so many of them call “home”. It was an absolute joy to see so many familiar faces!

When I looked around the room at the courageous, empowering women surrounding me I couldn’t help but feel inspired. I saw that women, who at one time believed that they were broken and that they had lost everything, were now mothers, daughters, entrepreneurs, business leaders, lobbyists, homeowners and advocates for recovery.  I looked around and realized that I was surrounded by overcomers. Overcomers who refused to give up, refused to give in and are now refusing to let the disease take even one more life. I watched as woman after woman celebrated their sobriety birthdays by writing their number of years, months or days clean on their hands and calling out their length of sobriety. Cheers soared for the woman who was celebrating 13 years clean, 12 years clean, 10 years clean and so on. I waited to see if the cheers would slow down as sobriety dates ranging from a few months to a few weeks were called out, but it seemed that just the opposite happened. The less sobriety time a woman had, the more the crowd cheered for her. Finally, at the end, staff asked if there was anyone with one day clean at the event. I saw one shy woman, a current client of The Next Door, with tears in her eyes, slowly raise her hand. The next events that took place filled my eyes with tears. The crowd at the event went wild. Cheers filled the room for this individual who had chosen sobriety that day. The women who had 13, 12 and 10 years clean surrounded this client with hugs, high fives and support. I heard the crowd erupt with phrases like, “That’s amazing!” “How inspiring!” “You’ve got this!” “Keep coming back- it’s worth it!” A smile spread across the face of the woman with one day clean as she realized she was not alone- that at one point, every woman in that room had just one day clean. They surrounded her because they knew that every day is a battle with the disease of addiction; and that choosing sobriety- even for one day- is something to be immensely celebrated.

Working in this field, in the middle of the worst opioid epidemic our country has ever seen, you truly begin to see how addiction is just as it’s described in the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book-  “cunning, baffling, and powerful.” But looking around the room that night I saw immense hope. I realized that with women like the ones in that room, who are leading the charge on the battle against addiction and spreading the message of hope in recovery, we could in fact see a world where not even one more life is taken by this horrible disease. I am proud to share space with such powerful, courageous and bold women who share their journey with The Next Door; and I am humbled that these women call The Next Door “home.” The Next Door is ready to, alongside these women, continue fighting the disease of addiction! What a powerful time to be alive!

That Glow!

by Holly Cammuse, Assistant Director of Nursing of The Next Door

As I waddle around the building the last few weeks of my pregnancy, I have heard this phrase over and over again, “You are just GLOWING, Holly!”  I have assured all parties involved that the “glow” they are imagining is probably just sweat glistening from my newly formed mustache… O the joys of pregnancy hormones!  As we encroach upon temperatures nearing 100, I can’t help but reflect on the ease and simplicity of carrying my first child through the winter months. The other comments such as “There must be more than one in there!”, “You must be due ANNNYY day now!”, and “WOW, you’re carrying low!” make me giggle at the transparency of those women that we serve at The Next Door… transparency that I respect and have learned to love over the course of three years.

As I squeeze onto the elevator (because who wants to take the stairs at 9 months pregnant?!), I bump bellies with another Momma-To-Be, only this Momma is a client of The Next Door. So many things make The Next Door unique, but this is by far my favorite. We serve and embrace ALL women, even those fighting to better a life other than their own.

The Next Door took a leap of faith and began serving pregnant women in the winter of 2016. It was obvious that because we were one of few treatment facilities to accept a woman with child, the services that we provided would be sought out by women all over the state of Tennessee. NICUs were at capacity with children born with Neonatal Abstinence Syndrome, a condition in which a newborn withdraws from drugs it was exposed to while in utero. Why couldn’t The Next Door play a part in ending this vicious cycle?

To date, we have served nearly 100 pregnant women, can you imagine the glow that has radiated from these walls!? Obstetrics certainly wasn’t our specialty, and we proceeded that first year with caution and good faith, putting some restrictions on what risks we were willing to take. All pregnant women using illicit drugs are high-risk, most have experienced many other births, some with poor outcomes, but if we weren’t willing to accept them into treatment, who would? There is such a small window of opportunity to make such a generational impact. It was a no-brainer to our ambitious team.

Although the future still holds many exciting opportunities for pregnant women at The Next Door, we have certainly come a long way in terms of knocking down barriers for this population. We are currently revising our admission requirements to allow pregnant women , even those with little or no prenatal care, to walk through our doors free of stigma and full of hope. We have a Registered Nurse Care Manager who assists these women with finding an obstetric provider and keeping appointments, an OB-GYN that assesses these women once a week, a Licensed Therapist that spends time unraveling fears and instilling lifeskills related to parenthood, and valuable resources like 180 Health Partners that provide a warm hand-off once discharged from The Next Door and through those critical postpartum months.

A dream of mine would be to provide housing for newborns with their mothers upon delivery; however, my view is still pretty sweet, as is, from my desk window. One of the first pregnant clients ever served at The Next Door now resides in our Freedom Recovery Community apartments, just behind our building on 22nd Avenue. What a precious sight to see her sober, successful, and pushing her little miracle in a stroller. Now THAT glow is one that cannot be beat.

Encouragement in Recovery

by Kristy Pomeroy, Community Services Manager of The Next Door

Freedom Recovery Community is a very busy place this summer. We currently have 21 women and 22 children living on property full time and have 12 children who come for visitation. Most of the days are quiet as women are working and children are at day care or day camps. Their evenings are spent in family time outside or playing games, going to groups and much more. My favorite thing about our community is the way this group encourages each other. In order to reach all of the families we have a group text where we send reminders about group schedule, activities and chores on a weekly basis. The women also communicate to each other through the group text. Here are some examples of the recent texts that have been posted:

“Went to a really good 12-step meeting at a church tonight. Going back next Wednesday for anyone who wants to ride along.”

“Thank you for the fresh vegetables from the garden as we are having cucumbers and tomatoes for dinner!”

“Good girl! Change the Stigma!”

“You have some amazing and awesome kids who helped me carry in my groceries. You have no idea how much I needed that today!”

“So what’s next? You heal. You grow. And you help others.”

“Trying Celebrate Recovery tonight…who wants to go?”

“I have never led a meeting, but I am willing (to try) today.”

“I am so grateful for my sisters at FRC.”

The women at FRC are truly living out the scripture to “Encourage one another and build each other up” (Thessalonians 5:11) on a daily basis.

Mom Guilt

by Candise Hendricks, Grant Writer for The Next Door

Hello! My name is Candise, and I am The Next Door’s grant writer. I’m blessed to be the mother of two beautiful little girls. Both are under the age of three. Prayers for patience and sleep are appreciated! After both of my daughters were born, many people asked me if I was going to continue to work full-time, and often, when I confirmed that that was my decision, the response was some kind of variation of “Oh, I bet you are going to miss those precious babies!” And IT would hit me.

Mom Guilt.

Yikes. I felt horrible for continuing to work; how can I leave those sweet girls with someone else for hours and hours when I should be the one caring for them?! I would have to remind myself of the discussions I had with my husband. I loved having my own career outside of being a mom; it was and is a part of my identity. I realized that I would feel ashamed about NOT working, too. Mom Guilt can be completely irrational.

While I’ve learned how to handle it better, I still deal with this on a regular basis. Any time I choose to do something for myself, no matter how small or beneficial, I feel a little twinge of unease. Go on a movie date with the hubs? Mom Guilt. Ask my mother-in-law to watch the kids for an hour so that I can work out? Mom Guilt. Take five more minutes of time in the bathroom to just breathe with my eldest screaming at the door? MOM GUILT.

How does this tie back to my job? Because I’m often holed up writing and researching, I don’t get many chances to interact with the women seeking substance abuse treatment at The Next Door. However, one thing I do know from my brief interactions with these ladies (usually on my way back and forth from the coffee machine) is that most are mothers or caretakers in some way. This isn’t surprising for a facility devoted to the care of women. However, with Mother’s Day coming up soon, it hit me that these women must be feeling massive waves of Mom Guilt.

I cannot imagine how much strength it would take to admit that I needed help, to focus entirely on MY disease of addiction, and to commit to take the time AWAY from my children to get the treatment I needed. Even though working toward recovery and getting mentally, physically, and spiritually healthier would be life-changing, getting over this mental barrier of guilt and shame would be overwhelming for me. But the women who are here at The Next Door do it ALL. THE. TIME. There are women here who are being successful at managing their substance addiction and conquering this internal struggle every day!

This year, for Mother’s Day, I’ve challenged myself to completely let go of my meaningless Mom Guilt and accept the idea that sometimes taking care of me IS taking care of my family, as well. And every time I get the urge to feel bad about it, I will send up a prayer for the women receiving life-saving substance abuse treatment at The Next Door, who are facing all sorts of challenges to live better lives for their families and for themselves.

Many Blessings and HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

Weather Changes

by Cindy Sneed, Chief Clinical Officer of The Next Door

The first day of spring might have been March 20th, but that didn’t stop Mother Nature from unleashing some of the most interesting weather in Nashville this year. We had unbelievable amounts of rain, freezing temperatures, and to top it all – SNOW on April 16th!

How does this relate to Addiction Treatment?

The journey to sobriety is an unpredictable one… as is life! At The Next Door, we see rays of sunshine in the women we serve each day. We see them grasp a step in the 12 Steps. We see them become aware of who they are through an individual or group counseling session. But there are also days when it seems like a small cloud might be hanging around. We trust – we have to – that the cloud and its rain are providing much-needed refreshment for the seeds that have been planted. If the sun were to shine all the time, we would become parched and wish for rain. We first meet our clients when they are in the middle of their storm. Dolly Parton said it so well when she said, “Storms make trees take deeper roots.”

The women at The Next Door often wonder if it’s possible they will ever experience warmth from the sun again. We see after a week or even a few days the clouds begin to part. Then the real work begins.

In my 14 years at The Next Door, I’ve seen all kinds of weather. It is both the rain and sun and everything in between that keeps me coming back to see the rays of sunshine that will surely shine again soon.

Life-Changing Recovery

by April Barnes, Director of Admissions of The Next Door

Several months into working at The Next Door, I was having a conversation with my mother and she brought something to my attention that I was floored with gratitude to realize.

She reminded me of the program she entered into over 10 years ago that had given her a safe place to transition into; an opportunity for true recovery. In 2006, my mother was released from the women’s prison and, upon leaving, was able to go straight from incarceration to a program that provided structure, routine, and accountability. Of most importance, this program offered a second chance at life. Not having to return to the streets or to the same environment (people, places and things) provided her the opportunity of a life with hope and a fresh start.

That program was The Next Door’s Re-Entry program. A program for women that was designed specifically to help women coming straight from incarceration to rebuild her life.

I didn’t realize that I was working at “THE Next Door,” because I didn’t recognize it to be what I had remembered. THIS new building? With all of these new services? That much growth and change since 2006! You see, my memories were of that building on 8th Avenue. I have many memories of arriving to pick up my mom for weekend or day passes, to go play softball at Centennial Park or to go have cookouts at the lake. Memories of my mother surrounded by all of her children for the first time. Having grown up separately from my siblings, this was a new experience for all of us to be together. It was joy in its purest form.

I hold on to and cherish those memories because during that time, for the first time in my life, I was building a healthy relationship with and experiencing my mother in true sobriety. SOBER. She had a light in her eyes, a freedom in her spirit, and a joy in her presence that was contagious.

The Next Door now offers treatment to women no matter her entry point. From detox to residential to outpatient services, we are here to help a woman at any point of her recovery journey. Understanding relapse as a part of the recovery journey for many, The Next Door offers a safe detox by providing medical monitoring during their acute withdrawal process. For continued care services after detox, we offer residential inpatient treatment and outpatient treatment services.

The impact of a woman becoming clean and sober can make a difference in the generational pattern that follows. This type of recovery IS life changing.

I’m so thankful for this organization, and to the women who prayed and listened to the call to build this ministry. Philippians 2:13 tells us “For it is God who is working in you, enabling you both to desire and to work out his good purpose.” I am blessed to be able to be a part of this missional work and to be a part of a team of devoted professionals called according to this purpose.

Season of Renewal

by Sallie Hussey, Chief Development Officer of The Next Door

Spring is such a beautiful season of renewal. You see it all around and in many forms – flowers starting to bloom, neighbors dusting off lawn mowers to give the yard its first cut of the season, and drive-through car washes with lines around the block. With more daylight now, I see entire families on long strolls testing out bicycles from Christmas.

We see renewal here, too, as women discover how to live a new life in recovery. Watching strong, courageous women overcome a new challenge each day and blossom during their time at The Next Door is humbling. Years of substance addiction have worn down so many women and families physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I see changes happen in the women who are here and it’s just like the awakening in my own neighborhood each spring. Like most staff, I’m occasionally blessed with a brief hallway conversation once or twice a week with one of our women. In every case, I walk back to my office convinced of two things – women are resilient and God is present here. So many obstacles and barriers, like a snow storm on the first day of spring, threaten sobriety, but these strong, amazing women keep pushing forward. Staff (and amazing volunteers) here know that faith and prayer, layered on top of the very best treatment, are like sunshine on rich soil. They can and do produce the most beautiful results.

Addiction treatment is available for every woman and at TND it’s given with a special mix of compassion and grace. We are grateful to be a place of hope and renewal not just during the spring but all day, every day.