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Mom Guilt

by Candise Hendricks, Grant Writer for The Next Door

Hello! My name is Candise, and I am The Next Door’s grant writer. I’m blessed to be the mother of two beautiful little girls. Both are under the age of three. Prayers for patience and sleep are appreciated! After both of my daughters were born, many people asked me if I was going to continue to work full-time, and often, when I confirmed that that was my decision, the response was some kind of variation of “Oh, I bet you are going to miss those precious babies!” And IT would hit me.

Mom Guilt.

Yikes. I felt horrible for continuing to work; how can I leave those sweet girls with someone else for hours and hours when I should be the one caring for them?! I would have to remind myself of the discussions I had with my husband. I loved having my own career outside of being a mom; it was and is a part of my identity. I realized that I would feel ashamed about NOT working, too. Mom Guilt can be completely irrational.

While I’ve learned how to handle it better, I still deal with this on a regular basis. Any time I choose to do something for myself, no matter how small or beneficial, I feel a little twinge of unease. Go on a movie date with the hubs? Mom Guilt. Ask my mother-in-law to watch the kids for an hour so that I can work out? Mom Guilt. Take five more minutes of time in the bathroom to just breathe with my eldest screaming at the door? MOM GUILT.

How does this tie back to my job? Because I’m often holed up writing and researching, I don’t get many chances to interact with the women seeking substance abuse treatment at The Next Door. However, one thing I do know from my brief interactions with these ladies (usually on my way back and forth from the coffee machine) is that most are mothers or caretakers in some way. This isn’t surprising for a facility devoted to the care of women. However, with Mother’s Day coming up soon, it hit me that these women must be feeling massive waves of Mom Guilt.

I cannot imagine how much strength it would take to admit that I needed help, to focus entirely on MY disease of addiction, and to commit to take the time AWAY from my children to get the treatment I needed. Even though working toward recovery and getting mentally, physically, and spiritually healthier would be life-changing, getting over this mental barrier of guilt and shame would be overwhelming for me. But the women who are here at The Next Door do it ALL. THE. TIME. There are women here who are being successful at managing their substance addiction and conquering this internal struggle every day!

This year, for Mother’s Day, I’ve challenged myself to completely let go of my meaningless Mom Guilt and accept the idea that sometimes taking care of me IS taking care of my family, as well. And every time I get the urge to feel bad about it, I will send up a prayer for the women receiving life-saving substance abuse treatment at The Next Door, who are facing all sorts of challenges to live better lives for their families and for themselves.

Many Blessings and HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

Blog Post – Strong

Sallie Hussey

I grew up in a family of strong women. My sisters and I were fortunate to have vibrant, talented women, like my grandmother, and even great grandmother, who were wonderful examples. My grandmother, a newspaper reporter, gave me a giant hard-back Webster’s dictionary when I started first grade. She told me to “ask if I didn’t know the answer” and “find whatever you need to do your job.” I didn’t really understand that in elementary school but, certainly as the years passed, it started to sink in.

Growing up in the 70s and 80s, I saw my mother and grandmother juggle career and family. I know they had adult problems and struggles, but I was shielded from them. Now I see how truly difficult it often was and how many challenges and obstacles they faced. Today is no different, in many respects for women in 2017. The challenges of motherhood and career can be overwhelming. The stigma of addiction and mental health is real and still one of the many barriers a woman must face.

Maybe being raised in a family of women (mostly) helped prepare me for work at TND. I see amazing women every day who are here and are working to overcome the most extraordinary circumstances life has given them – balancing family, careers, maybe school, and now overcoming addiction. Women are resilient and we are born to survive. The Next Door is uniquely, and wonderfully, equipped to help women and we do it, every day. I smile when I see our case managers and therapists just chatting with a woman in the hall, or when I see how easily our clinical assistants bond with a frightened young woman on her first day. Each day women help women here and it’s beautiful to see.

My grandmother would say we’re helping these women “find what they need” to do their job. Those jobs are numerous and diverse – wife, mother, CEO, business owner, care taker, home owner, sister, friend, student, and so much more. I know what a blessing it was to grow up in a family of strong women. I’m blessed now, too, to have even a very small part in helping these amazingly strong women in their recovery from addiction. We would love to have you join us.

Sallie Hussey serves as the Chief Development Officer at The Next Door.